If The Apocalypse Comes: Ask Brittany
by holo-daxy
Summary: A follow up to Wanted: Teenage Slayer  Medical and Dental Plan Available , but this time mostly focusing on Rachel.


**Title:** If The Apocalypse Comes...Ask Brittany

**Characters:** Quinn Fabray / Rachel Berry

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I can dream right?

**Summary:** A follow up to 'Wanted: Teenage Slayer (Medical and Dental Plan Available)', but this time mostly focusing on Rachel.

**Spoilers:** None, totally AU.

* * *

"Can blowfish drive?"

"Why is it vampires don't sparkle like Edward Cullen?"

"If a werewolf is in heat, what happens to the human during the day?"

When Brittany would ask most of these questions, right in the middle of learning a new song for Glee, the rest of the Glee Club would ignore the blonde while Santana would try to gently tell the blonde none of those things were real or possible. Quinn and Rachel however would tense up and worry if the blonde knew about their late night activities – those activities being vampire slaying and on certain nights of the month howling at the moon.

The two had finally realised (followed by Puck about two weeks later) that most of Brittany's random and strange questions and comments weren't a cleverly disguised way to reveal she knew the truth (it was Brittany after all), but were often forewarning of that week's supernatural showdown – or at least the supporting act.

Brittany would comment about girls in catholic school uniforms not being all they seemed and Puck was almost drained dry by three blonde vampires in catholic school uniforms that weekend on his date.

Brittany would tell Quinn not to sleep in the next day and that night the blonde slayer was trapped in a world of nightmares that was only ended by Puck and Rachel smashing an old mirror in the abandoned house down the street. Despite a repeat of the explanation behind that one, nobody but Ms Pillsbury seemed to understand how that all worked out.

A random question about why people would collect werewolf teeth had resulted in a werewolf hunter almost shooting Rachel – and not just with a pellet gun like Puck had done that time, because really werewolves and silver don't mix all that well – or so Rachel had been told by Ms Pillsbury.

So naturally the question of "If a werewolf is in heat, what happens to the human during the day?" had sent the alarm bells ringing in Rachel's head. It wasn't something she had ever thought of before and she'd more than likely have less than seventy two hours to prepare for the worst.

Rachel also knew from Puck's snort of amusement that he'd probably never let her live down anything she might do during this...phase and the fact that Quinn was looking at her with her finally sculpted eyebrow practically at her hairline probably meant the blonde Slayer was reconsidering her stance on learning to use the tranquilizer gun Ms Pillsbury had acquired. No...this wasn't going to end well at all. Rachel had enough trouble controlling her inner wolf leading up to the full moon; suddenly going into heat was going to make it ten times harder.

This was even more mortifying than when Noah had tried to teach her tricks. Even during the day if somebody would give the firm command of 'sit', 'stay' or 'roll over' she would be tempted to do it – in fact that one time Mr Schuster had lost his temper and...well it wasn't important.

What was important was that if she suddenly went into heat her next transformation would be spent locked up in the emergency cage stored in the school basement – something else Emma had acquired. There would be no rolling around on the floor playing with Noah or him throwing sticks for her to fetch and she could say goodbye to her midnight walks with Quinn – probably indefinitely after this.

Rachel cherished walking around cemeteries with her one time tormentor, turned supernatural partner in crime – in human or wolf form, but mostly wolf. The blonde was far more open and candid when Rachel was walking around on four legs rather than two and could only answer with wines or growls rather than words. She'd learnt that Quinn was far more than just a blonde who waved pom poms, there was much more to her – and not just because she was the Slayer. Rachel had learnt everything from Quinn's favourite films (if Rachel didn't have such good hearing she could have sworn she'd heard wrong rather than 'Star Wars') through to how she somewhat resented that her destiny had been taken out of her own hands (something Rachel could relate to).

That wasn't to say the two didn't get on while the sun was shining and there was no sense of impending danger, it was just so much easier when those elements were involved. There was no way for Rachel to account for her actions if she were to suddenly go into heat and it would more than likely drive her (tentative) friend away.

Fate was cruel, Rachel was struggling enough with her sudden interest in the blonde Slayer – there was just something about being saved by the blonde that was sexy! She was already reduced to a whimpering puppy whenever the Slayer would scratch behind her ears, who knows what would happen if...well...

The next full moon was just going to have to be an exercise in self control – Ms Pillsbury was always going on about training and self control and...well Rachel, Quinn and Puck would often tune out during those speeches so who knew how it was supposed to end. Something to do with self control, Rachel was sure about that.

"It's mating season you know."

Maybe some of Brittany's statements could just be put down to randomness and not just a beeper for the next impending apocalypse.


End file.
